tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41030132011-09-05T09:34:48.163-07:00Ho Chi Tim"Have you heard of Vietnam son? You're entering a world of pain."Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.comBlogger1171100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1156835666946410542006-08-29T00:02:00.000-07:002006-08-29T00:14:26.993-07:00A few years back Bruce Springsteen, the monumentally tedious US rocker beloved of 40-something music journos and absolutely no-one else, sang "57 channels and nothin' on". And for once, I sympathise with the boring old fucker. Our landlady has just installed cable TV in our room (2 weeks before we move out - great timing) and, despite having over 60 channels to play with, there is basically fuck Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1156760253159294492006-08-28T03:08:00.000-07:002006-08-28T03:17:33.236-07:00The mighty Chas & Dave once sang "There Ain't No Pleasin' You", a howl of existential angst about the fickleness of Mrs Chas (or Mrs Dave - the identity of the woman was left ambiguous, one assumes to avoid Chas or Dave being denied sexual favours or kicked squarely in the bollocks by one of the aforementioned ladies). And this weekend I knew just how they must have felt.A few months ago Mrs HCT Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1156571679794612502006-08-25T22:44:00.000-07:002006-08-25T22:54:39.810-07:00Apologies for etc etc...Well, after 18 months of teaching here I finally got my first complaint from an irate parent. "Not only did the morning teacher (my colleague) raise his voice several times during the class, but the afternoon teacher (yours truly) ALSO raised his voice, AND left the room for five minutes DURING THE CLASS!!!"Ye Gods, whatever next! A teacher having the temerity to RAISE HISTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1148526991433845402006-05-24T20:07:00.000-07:002006-05-24T20:16:31.443-07:00Well, the rainy season is finally upon us it seems, and hopefully it will be shorter than last year's which outstayed its welcome by a good two months.When it began raining, we noticed a few leaks in our bedroom ceiling, and called our landlady to ask her to fix them. As usual she dragged her heels somewhat on this, the result being that, 10 days ago, I returned home after an epic 7-hour drinkingTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1143627928432494332006-03-29T02:24:00.000-08:002006-03-29T02:25:28.446-08:00It appears I’ve finally got to the bottom, as it were, of my mystery virus. Went to the hospital last week for several (expensive) tests, and the results indicated the presence of the Epstein-Barr virus, aka glandular fever.However, yesterday the doctor called me to tell me that, whilst the virus is definitely there, this time it isn’t glandular fever although it is probably a recurrence of the Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1142511374293178292006-03-16T04:13:00.000-08:002006-03-16T04:16:14.306-08:00I recently posted an entry about the difficulty ofgetting hold of certain basic items here in Vietnam -shoelaces, Marmite and Guinness, for example. To thatlist can be added magazines. Back in the UK I was amagazine junkie, devouring the likes of Private Eye,New Statesman, Uncut and various others, but sadlysuch delights are not available here, meaning I amrestricted to Time and Newsweek.I reallyTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1141304501182013702006-03-02T04:54:00.000-08:002006-03-02T05:01:55.423-08:00Oh bloody hell, not Glitter again I hear you cry. Well, it's not every day that disgraced ex-glam-rockers go up before the beak in Vietnam, hence my bringing up the subject again. In fact, I read areport on today's trial on Yahoo! News this morning and it spoke volumes about the Western media's attitude to third world/communist countries.Anyone who's read any Chomsky or subscribes to Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1140951038935746182006-02-26T02:28:00.000-08:002006-02-26T05:33:28.406-08:00I'M BACK, I'M BACK, AS A MATTER OF FACTI have just returned from what the Sun recently described as "the seedy sex resort of Vung Tau". Well, all I can say is there must be two places called Vung Tau & I went to the non-seedy one, as it's a pleasant but fairly dull seaside town with extremely tame nightlife - the closest we came to any "action" was a game of Connect 4 with some barmaids. Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1140693066951923062006-02-23T03:09:00.000-08:002006-02-23T03:11:06.963-08:00Apologies once again for the lengthy hiatus in posting. Actually, fuck that. Why do I need to apologise? Are there really people out there saying “You know, it’s been several weeks since Ho Chi Tim was last updated. I think that young man should say sorry”? I suspect not.The reason for the delay is that I’ve been agonising over the nature of HCT, an agony provoked by my Tet holiday, eight very Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1138351813938263832006-01-27T00:40:00.000-08:002006-01-27T00:50:13.950-08:00It's the Tet (Vietnamese New Year) holidays here, and as is now traditional on such occasions, yours truly has been put on antibiotics because of some sort of throat virus.Went to the doc's this morning & told him I'd had a sore throat for six weeks. "Six weeks! Oh my God!" he said. Now I don't know about you, but the only time I want to hear the phrase "Oh my God!" is when removing my underpantsTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1137223830618429602006-01-13T23:01:00.000-08:002006-01-13T23:30:30.633-08:00Fucking Lazy American BastardsAs anyone who knows me will be aware, I, despite my slender build, enjoy eating more than pretty much anything else in the world, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy living in HCMC so much. There can't be many cities with more restaurants per square mile than this place, and new ones open up every week. A colleague of mine mentioned a new pizza place, California Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1136628026007484842006-01-07T01:45:00.000-08:002006-01-07T02:05:36.900-08:00Happy New Year to all hochitim readers! And may I begin 2006 with a piece of advice. If you ever find yourself suffering from flu over the New Year period, stay in bed until you're better. Do not, I repeat NOT, take enough paracetamol to revive a corpse, drink lots of beer, and lie on a pool table while someone pours neat whisky down your throat. From a hat. I can assure you it's a seriously bad Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1135507652665375812005-12-25T02:37:00.000-08:002005-12-25T02:47:32.716-08:00Merry Christmas to all readers of Ho Chi Tim, and, of course, a happy 2006 to boot. By way of a present, here is a picture of Osama Bin Laden's niece. http://www.newyorksocialdiary.com/partypictures/2005/08_25_05/images/savemusic/Wafah-Dufour.jpgWouldn't mind flying my jumbo between her twin towers I can tell you.This is my first ever xmas outside the UK and, thanks to a visit from my mother Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1133620606342631612005-12-03T06:21:00.000-08:002005-12-03T07:03:33.223-08:00As anyone who has ever lived abroad will confirm, there are always unusual things that you take for granted at home but which are impossible to find in your adopted homeland. I'm not talking about culture-specific items such as Marmite, Guinness or Union Jack condoms (or indeed, Marmite condoms), but other, stranger things that you would assume to be commonplace from Australia to Zimbabwe. I Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1133187302142636262005-11-28T05:21:00.000-08:002005-11-28T06:15:02.206-08:00Well, what a bizarre week I've just had. Surreal, even by the lofty standards of Ho Chi Minh City, where strangeness lurks around every rat-infested corner. To sum up, er, briefly...LEADER! LEADER! LEADER! GLITTERMANIA RETURNS!Yes, believe it or not, someone has finally eclipsed David Beckham as the best-known foreign celebrity in Vietnam, and this time a year ago you'd have got pretty long odds Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1132647619230633502005-11-22T00:00:00.000-08:002005-11-22T00:22:32.116-08:00D'ya wanna be in my gang my gang my gangD'ya wanna be in my gangWOOAHH YEEAAHHH!!!Yes, Vietnam has been in the news this week after Gary Glitter was arrested at Ho Chi Minh City airport (just a mile from HCT Manor, in fact) for various acts of kiddie-fiddling in what the Sun, accurate as always, referred to as "the seedy sex resort of Vung Tau". Vung Tau is, in fact, the most boring seaside Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1131789393678684662005-11-12T01:48:00.000-08:002005-11-12T01:56:33.690-08:00As anyone who knows me will be aware, I'm partial to the occasional ale or two. In fact, when I started looking around the globe for a possible emigration destination back in 2001, the price of beer was one of the criteria on which I based my decision. Hence, here I am in Vietnam where in most bars you can get a point for under a quid.However, most of the locals avoid such pricy establishments Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1131081820346735522005-11-03T21:19:00.000-08:002005-11-03T21:23:40.356-08:00Incomprehensible t-shirt slogan of the week:Jammin' wee! RAMMIN' bears!Nope, me neither.Praise the Lord, Nurofen is finally available in Vietnam. I was in a pharmacy looking for deodorant the other day when I spotted the familiar logo, & snapped 'em up. Only 50p for 12 as well. Now all I need is for someone to start selling Marmite & I'll be sorted.Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1130833607246837842005-11-01T00:04:00.000-08:002005-11-01T00:26:47.256-08:00Opinion on the merits of Ho Chi Minh City's nightlife is generally divided. Younger visitors tend to get bored pretty quickly, mainly because few venues offer garishly-coloured alcopops or play materialistic R&B music, but for those of us who are the wrong side of 35 it's just about perfect. Plenty of dark, homely bars staffed by aesthetically pleasing and scantily-clad barmaids, and a profusion Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1130752682481950112005-10-31T01:35:00.000-08:002005-10-31T01:58:02.533-08:00This weekend saw scenes of extraordinary mass hysteria here in Ho Chi Minh City, when a rumour spread that the statue of the Virgin Mary in front of the city's cathedral was weeping. The Vietnamese get very excited about rumours (in August, a completely unfounded rumour about a 50% increase in petrol prices led to 300-deep queues at the pumps & the police being called to restore order), and when Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1130219407477817262005-10-24T22:24:00.000-07:002005-10-24T22:50:07.486-07:00I'm going to drift off the subject of life in Vietnam for a while now, partly because I'm now married with a mortgage which gives me less scope for the hedonism of yore, but mainly because this is quite an interesting topic.Men's Health magazine this week announced their 'Men of the Decade'. Glossing over the fact that a) the decade is only halfway through and b) I can't think of one person in Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1129877734749172232005-10-20T23:36:00.000-07:002005-10-20T23:55:34.756-07:00Starved of decent books here in HCMC, I recently came across Gazza - My Story in a secondhand bookshop, and snapped it up, reading it in a couple of days. Despite being a tad superficial, cramming three volumes' worth into less than 500 pages, it's a cracking read, both funny, sad and frightening in equal measure. And having battled with the Black Dog myself for many years, I can heartily Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1129791297769384532005-10-19T23:52:00.000-07:002005-10-19T23:54:57.773-07:00A quick update on the mangled English t-shirt scene, with three cracking new discoveries:1. "BJ TEAM"As worn by one of my female students. If there's a team for that sort of thing, do they need a coach, and where do I apply?2. "FABRIC MOUSE - FABRIC MOUSE IS BEST QUALITY - YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME HAPPY!"Ah yes, the joys of fabric mice. They always make me happy.3. And this is the best one ever:"STOP Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1128936481380675172005-10-10T02:04:00.000-07:002005-10-10T02:28:01.443-07:00Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years. Apologies for the long absence of updates, but firstly September was a crazy month workwise with me teaching 33 hours per week, and also I've had painful but thankfully non-life threatening health problems which meant that what little spare time I had was spent in various hospitals. Fortunately my work schedule is a bit mellower this month (27 Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1126174567721917732005-09-08T03:01:00.000-07:002005-09-08T03:18:50.063-07:00Regular HCT readers will be aware that my next-door neighbour breeds chihuahuas, a breed I'd previously dismissed as ugly, yappy and only slightly further up the evolutionary ladder than rats. However, living next door to the little critters has changed my mind and I now see them as spirited, lively, friendly little buggers.Yesterday morning I wandered downstairs bleary-eyed at 7.30am (7.30am! Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1126001613460304692005-09-06T03:09:00.000-07:002005-09-06T03:13:33.470-07:00Last Friday was Vietnamese Independence Day, one of apparently half a dozen independence days (mainly because the country has been invaded so bloody often), and everyone had a public holiday, so on Thursday evening myself, Mrs HCT and our friends Yen & Tony (his real name is Nhan but for some reason he likes to be called Tony) piled into our car & headed off to Nha Trang.I hate cars, always have,Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1125210475012514002005-08-27T23:13:00.000-07:002005-08-27T23:27:55.016-07:00Apologies for the lack of updates recently, but due to having purchased an apartment recently I am teaching more hours than advisable in order to pay for the fucker. Normal service will be resumed...eventually.Last weekend we went down to the Mekong Delta to visit the inlaws, and arrived to find that our visit coincided with the Ben Tre Land God festival. This event takes place every year to Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1124352203992392132005-08-18T00:42:00.000-07:002005-08-18T01:03:24.003-07:00During the two years of this blog's existence I've been rather unkind about Vietnamese food, so in order to set the record straight, a few words about the national dish, pho, a type of noodle soup. During my first sojourn here I couldn't stand the stuff, but during the last few months I have become both an addict and a connoisseur.Pho (pronounced rather like someone slightly effeminate saying "Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1123391029171088292005-08-06T21:50:00.000-07:002005-08-06T22:03:49.176-07:00Greetings all. Regular readers of this pile of old shite will be familiar with my regular battles with Saigon's insect community. However, this week my kitchen was invaded by a new adversary - a mouse. Now I am generally pretty fond of mice (apart from that evil avatar of US cultural imperialism, Mickey) but this little fucker has pushed me too far.I first became aware of his presence on Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1122461715193590702005-07-27T03:39:00.000-07:002005-07-27T03:55:15.200-07:00Congratulations to Mr Hodgson who correctly identified the previous "strapline" (which I always thought was the mark you got from a tight bra but which my advertising consultant Mr Lloyd informs is a hook or catchphrase) as being from the Tom Waits song Pasties & A G-String. The usual prize of bugger all to whoever gets the new one.One of the drawbacks of living here in Saigon is the lack of Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1121492623752648812005-07-15T22:29:00.000-07:002005-07-15T22:59:51.430-07:00Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...well, yesterday anyway. I celebrated on Thursday night with a party at Timmy Towers for a couple of dozen locals & a handful of expats. Came home at 3pm to find the kitchen full of Vietnamese ladies preparing the food, so I helped out by getting out of their way & going to bed for the afternoon, rising at 6 to start drinking and set up the sounds. Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1121075658740569892005-07-11T02:45:00.000-07:002005-07-11T02:54:18.773-07:00May I begin by hoping that all my London-based readers are still in one piece after last week's bombings. Having watched the events unfold from several thousand miles away it's been interesting to compare the reactions of the different nationalities here in Saigon.For the Vietnamese, who know all about terrorism of the state variety, it's an open & shut case - being essentially kind-hearted Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1120397194610384242005-07-03T06:15:00.000-07:002005-07-03T06:26:34.616-07:00An appalling oversight has just occurred to me, viz., since I restarted these ramblings I have ommitted to mention the Vietnamese women's pool team. How I've managed to leave them out is a mystery to me, as they are a veritable pack of foxes to whose wondrousness I can barely do justice with the written word. But I'll try.How am I familiar with these cue-wielding minxes? Well, the bar in which I Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1120125695569419552005-06-30T02:49:00.000-07:002005-06-30T03:01:35.573-07:00Congratulations to Sky Blue Sharky, over there in Windsor Ontario, for correctly identifying the source of the "smelly pirate hooker" line - the 90 minutes of comic genius that is Anchorman - The Legend of Ron Burgundy. As he says, it was too easy, so the new one is a bit more challenging. I hope. Little to report here other than some monumental nights on the piss which all blur into one. Lost Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1119857792263800002005-06-27T00:27:00.000-07:002005-06-27T00:36:32.270-07:00A fairly uneventful weekend here in Saigon, apart from a very drunken Sunday darts session during which I made a very pleasant discovery. Usually on Tuesdays, during darts matches, I try & stay as sober as possible as I can't play after too many beers. However, last night I was absolutely shitfaced, and after going through a few throws without being able to see the board, I suddenly attained a Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1119542000200297942005-06-23T08:46:00.000-07:002005-06-23T08:53:20.200-07:00As a postscript to my previous post, and a fairly drunken one at that, I hereby announce a new challenge to all readers of Ho Chi Tim. Yes, all seven of you. If you glance above these very words, you will see that the previous slogan/hook/intro/tagline/felch/whatever advertising cunts like my nate Gaz are calling them these days "It's back! And it's still bollocks!" has been replaced. Your Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1119512286420804392005-06-23T00:01:00.000-07:002005-06-23T00:38:06.426-07:00Many of you will be aware that I am a keen, if not particularly capable, exponent of the fine sport of darts. A sport requiring stamina (long periods of upright concentration), mental arithmetic, skill and, most importantly of all, psychology. As in my previous stint in Saigon, I am playing for a pub team in the Saigon International Darts League. And in the first few weeks of the season I was in Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1119173490833006032005-06-19T02:13:00.000-07:002005-06-19T02:31:31.840-07:00Ah, joy of joys, the in-laws have come to visit for a couple of days. Now don't get me wrong, my in-laws are lovely people & my nephews & nieces are adorable & impeccably behaved, but as anyone who knows me will confirm, turning up on my doorstep at 8am on a Sunday morning will not get you a warm welcome.Anyway, to keep everyone entertained we headed off to Suoi Tien ("Fairy Stream"), a theme Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1119105434943564102005-06-18T07:19:00.000-07:002005-06-18T07:37:14.950-07:00You find me feeling somewhat delicate after last night's consular festivities. Predictably enough, the place was absolutely crammed with some of the snootiest wankers you could ever wish to meet. Brit expats here can generally be divided into three camps. You've got the government/FO/NGO crowd, a fairly insular bunch; then you've got those who are here to cream as much money out of the country asTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1118671487808472612005-06-13T06:48:00.000-07:002005-06-13T07:04:47.813-07:00Now, us chaps occasionally like to complain about the bond/shackle/brutal Nazi torture, experimentation & extermination camp (delete as appropriate) that is married life. However, and I speak from personal experience here, it does have its advantages.Take last Wednesday evening for example. I returned home after a long day's teaching (and a couple of post-work beers) to catch a tantalising whiff Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1117874706316987562005-06-04T01:30:00.000-07:002005-06-04T01:45:06.366-07:00Some of you may be wondering what happened to my Australian colleague after I'd negotiated some bargain-priced prozzie action for him last Saturday. Well, after agreeing the price with the young lady in question they repaired to a nearby hotel to, er, consummate the deal. He handed over the cash first, got his (and her) kit off, and then...passed out drunk. The lady wisely buggered off, leaving Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1117336962708776462005-05-28T20:15:00.000-07:002005-05-28T20:22:42.716-07:00You find me in typically hungover Sunday morning form after a highly enjoyable night's boozing. My favourite class finished this week so took them all out for some dinner & drinks. Some of the girls scrubbed up very well indeed, and one of them got extremely affectionate after just one beer, stroking my arm hair (a novelty in Vietnam) and saying "I want to cut your arm off and take it home with Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1116909421672781292005-05-23T21:22:00.000-07:002005-05-23T21:37:01.676-07:00It was our wedding anniversary on Sunday, so yesterday the missus & I headed off to the Legend Hotel for a slap-up buffet dinner. 5* hotel buffets are one of the best things about living in Saigon - an endless array of roast meats, fish, seafood (if you're into diarrhoea obviously), pasta, fantastic cheeseboards and, best of all, unlimited wine. And, in the case of the Legend, all for $18.50 (ie Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1116605653057669212005-05-20T09:04:00.000-07:002005-05-20T09:14:13.063-07:00I have just returned from a most unpleasant experience. After an epic day's teaching (7.5 hours at 2 different schools, with rampant diaorrhea to boot) I headed to Hoa Vien, a raucous Czech brewery/restaurant near one of my schools, for some post-work beers with some colleagues, Mrs Tim and some of her friends. A most enjoyable time was had by all, until about 10pm when a French colleague of my Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1116403528901001672005-05-18T00:59:00.000-07:002005-05-18T01:05:28.930-07:00I don't usually bother with the English news these days but during a quiet moment this morning I saw this on the Guardian website - George Galloway taking on the US senate. First decent words about the Iraq war I've heard from a politician since the whole sorry shambles began two years ago, and thoroughly entertaining to boot.An earlier report on the same site pointed out that the "documents" Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1116312903303891602005-05-16T23:26:00.000-07:002005-05-16T23:55:03.310-07:00Well folks, I'm back living in Vietnam so thought I might as well restart the old blog. I won't go into too much detail about why I left the UK again as any British readers of a patriotic nature will get offended, suffice to say I shan't be going back unless it's in a coffin, and am happily resettled here in Saigon, working as an English teacher and shortly as a Travel & Tourism lecturer to Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-1056688512745921022003-06-26T21:35:00.000-07:002003-06-26T21:35:12.736-07:00As many of you will be aware, David Beckham visited Saigon this week and yours truly was there. I won't go into detail here as I covered the event for Football 365, and you can read the article here.
That same afternoon I had to go to some unnamed administrative building to get the papers for my new house signed & stamped, and soon found myself in the middle of a Kafkaesque bureaucratic Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-959390972003-06-23T01:18:00.000-07:002003-06-23T01:36:47.000-07:00They say that moving house is the most stressful experience a human being can go through (although those of us who support Coventry know better), and on Saturday I faced that challenge myself for the second time in 5 months. Luckily I only had a suitcase & a couple of backpacks so the inconvenience was minimal, however the missus is moving in with me (a definite case of hope over experience as Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-958192062003-06-18T23:40:00.000-07:002003-06-18T23:40:46.170-07:00On Tuesday I spent the day at Vung Tau, the nearest beach resort to Saigon, with the missus, her sister, sister-in-law & assorted ankle-biters. And even though Ian Brady is more of a family man than I, I rather enjoyed myself, although the emphasis was more on visiting the town’s admittedly impressive Buddhist temples than sunbathing. As my Vietnamese is still on the runway so to speak, I couldn’Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-957090052003-06-16T00:53:00.000-07:002003-06-16T01:04:23.000-07:00Apologies for the current dearth of updates to Ho Chi Tim, but now I've been here 4 months I'm getting used to life here and so have very few new things to entertain or bore you shitless with. Apart from this morning when, on my way to work, I drove past a man wrestling with a huge polythene bag full of live eels. On a motorbike. Doing about 30kph. Most of the eels seemed to be making a Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-954908982003-06-09T21:17:00.000-07:002003-06-09T22:14:49.000-07:00This weekend I finally got around to visiting some of the places I’ve been intending to see ever since I arrived here and very enjoyable it was too. On Sunday I went to Cholon, Saigon’s Chinatown (see a previous edition of Ho Chi Tim in which I attempt to visit Cholon and get lost). It’s even more noisy and bustling than Saigon itself, and the market is amazing – see the pics in the Cholon Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-953529472003-06-05T19:36:00.000-07:002003-06-05T19:36:31.843-07:00
Finally, after 3 months in my poky studio, I’m about to move into more luxurious surroundings. The missus and a couple of her friends are starting their own business and, while they were looking for office space to rent, found a new 3-storey house near my office with a ground floor ideal for use as an office. So they’re taking the ground floor & yours truly is taking the rest, complete with Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-952759922003-06-04T01:50:00.000-07:002003-06-04T01:50:14.053-07:00Apologies for the recent lack of updates, but the missus has just got back from 3 weeks in England so I’ve been rather...ahem...busy. She also returned with a somewhat expanded vocabulary, and has spent the last couple of days walking around calling everyone “tosser”, “wanker” and “pikey”. A small price to pay for a bottle of Chivas Regal and a stack of magazines & books.
Throughout the ages Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-950669612003-05-29T22:01:00.000-07:002003-05-29T22:01:26.780-07:00TONIGHT ON VIETNAMESE TV
1800 News, Weather
Vietnam announces closer economic ties with Laos/Mongolia/Alpha Centauri, and it’s fucking hot
1830 Pho Fuck’s Sake
Fly-on-the-wall documentary about a noodle soup business. This week, Hung is walking down an alleyway at 5am banging two sticks together to advertise his mother’s soup stall, when an irate Englishman empties a bucket of shit over his Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-950206712003-05-28T20:51:00.000-07:002003-05-28T21:04:42.000-07:00Apologies for the lack of archives over the last few days - some configuration changes on the host server meant they disappeared, but I've just republished them so you can now see them again. Rejoice.
Sharky's asked me to post the gallery link again, so here it is.
In the meantime, the following arrived in my inbox yesterday - sums up how most of us here in Asia feel about the pathetic SARS Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-949771202003-05-27T23:15:00.000-07:002003-05-27T23:15:08.493-07:00
As usual, my arrival in Phan Thiet at the weekend was greeted with great delight by the local mosquito population, who were out lining the streets with banners saying “Welcome to Phan Thiet Mr Tim” and who zeroed in on my flesh before I’d even got to the bloody hotel. I have to admit to a grudging admiration for mosquitoes though – they steam in, do the job, and get the fuck out before you even Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-949244442003-05-26T21:02:00.000-07:002003-05-26T21:02:19.590-07:00
I have just returned from a generally dull weekend up in a deserted Phan Thiet. Not only is it the rainy season, but also the after-effects of SARS are still being felt and so I was virtually the only guest in the Novotel. It was like The Shining, I half expected to hear Jack Nicholson shouting “HEEEEEERE’S JOHNNY!” outside my room, or to come back & find a small boy writing “REDRUM” all over Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-947202112003-05-21T21:07:00.000-07:002003-05-21T21:07:45.236-07:00Please note that Ho Chi Tim is taking a holiday (well, come on, it’s been at least 3 weeks) and will be sunning itself on the beach at Mui Ne for the next 4 days. Normal service, whatever that is, will be resumed on Tuesday 27 May, when I will be entertaining you with tales of sand dunes and Cham towers, and episodes of motorcycle-related incompetence. Until then, tam biet.Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-946746492003-05-21T00:23:00.000-07:002003-05-21T00:23:04.986-07:00
I have been a little harsh on the local cuisine of late – not without provocation I hasten to add, I mean, “Intestine Portion Close to Anus” for God’s sake – but by way of a little balance, I shall say something positive about the local nosh. I’ve just been for lunch at a new restaurant called Saito, where I treated my project team (i.e. one bloke) to a slap-up motivational lunch, partly becauseTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-946137252003-05-19T20:13:00.000-07:002003-05-19T20:13:35.036-07:00Nowt to report today, but I've done an article on the music scene in Vietnam which you can read at the excellent NOISE! website.. Enjoy!Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-945609402003-05-18T20:05:00.000-07:002003-05-18T20:05:29.093-07:00
On Saturday I went to my first Vietnamese wedding, and good fun it was too, if a little brief. In Vietnam, the actual wedding ceremony is attended only by family, with everyone else showing up for the evening booze-up. The general form is, each guest arrives and is greeted by the happy(?) couple, then shown inside where they sign their name on a piece of silk, before sitting down & being plied Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-944377412003-05-16T01:01:00.000-07:002003-05-16T01:30:37.000-07:00I can barely contain my excitement readers, as this week we received the news that David Beckham will be visiting Vietnam next month, as part of a promotional campaign for Castrol, “the English lubricant giant” according to the press release. Having played for England alongside Sol Campbell, Becks should be used to English lubricant giants. No idea what the world’s 2nd most overrated footballer (Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-943673672003-05-14T20:26:00.000-07:002003-05-14T20:26:23.120-07:00
Yesterday was my day off (I could get used to working 4 days a week…although those of you who have ever worked with me may point out that it’s more than I usually do), so I spent the day driving around Saigon discovering new places and getting a tan.
My travels took me first to Cholon, Saigon’s Chinatown with a population of some 500,000 ethnic Chinese. Originally a separate city all together, Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-942403992003-05-12T19:26:00.000-07:002003-05-12T19:26:16.930-07:00
May to December (roughly) represents the rainy season here in southern Vietnam, and yesterday it began with a vengeance. At 1230 I fired up my aforementioned hog (piglet?) and went for lunch at Kim Thanh, a delightful café run by mumsy middle-aged women who kindly pretend to understand my attempts at speaking Vietnamese. I was just tucking into my steak in garlic butter with rice (60p) when the Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-941789102003-05-11T19:40:00.000-07:002003-05-11T19:40:46.140-07:00Today you find me pining and miserable as my other half has gone on her long-planned trip to England. For a month! Bloody hell. It’s weird as I’d only been here just over 2 weeks when we met & we’ve hardly been apart since. Suffice to say my local bar is benefiting enormously from this otherwise unfortunate situation.
Yesterday, after a lengthy breakfast and having reached a boring bit in my Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-940337452003-05-08T21:45:00.000-07:002003-05-08T21:45:57.886-07:00
I noticed last night that the toilet in my flat is a model called Corvette. Now I always thought the Prince song Little Red Corvette was about a car, but obviously I was wrong and it is in fact a song about his khazi. Just to confirm this I've looked up the lyrics on the internet and here's a few pieces of evidence:
'"baby have you got enough gas?" oh yeah'
'it's on the verge of bein' obscene' Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-939030292003-05-06T19:55:00.000-07:002003-05-06T19:55:37.573-07:00
Regular readers of this pile of old cock will be familiar with my rapid learning curve on the old motorcycling front. Last night saw a particularly spectacular bit of driving which had onlookers gasping (though that may have just been due to the drains). Heading to Kim Café for dinner, I spotted a gap in the traffic allowing me to turn left. However, the oncoming cyclo which looked as if it was Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-938481592003-05-05T23:59:00.000-07:002003-05-05T23:59:55.683-07:00OK readers,normal service is resumed and I'm back in Saigon after 5 fantastic days in Nha Trang. I was staying at a new agey-type 5* resort, all wood, parchment & bamboo, chillout music (God I hate that term - people, for the sake of whatever country you live in, don't lie around on your arses listening to Lemon Jelly or Groove Armada, in the words of Public Enemy, Worry, Don't Be Happy) piped Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-934412232003-04-28T20:09:00.000-07:002003-04-29T02:00:02.000-07:00Please note that as of tomorrow (30 April) Ho Chi Tim will be on holiday for a few days and, unless I can tear myself away from the beach & go to an internet cafe which is pretty bloody unlikely, will be updated on Tuesday 6th May.
One of the subjects I've not touched on since foolishly starting this increasingly tedious website is religion in Vietnam, partly because I think religion is a load Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-933741842003-04-27T19:50:00.000-07:002003-04-27T23:43:35.000-07:00Another hot & sunny weekend in Saigon, necessitating the consumption of considerable amounts of cold beer. On Friday I went to Carmen, a very nice Spanish-themed bar near my office which, being constructed entirely of wood & lit solely by candles, is something of a fire trap, although it is estimated that some 90% of buildings here in Saigon fail to meet fire safety standards so what the hell eh?Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-932215382003-04-24T21:33:00.000-07:002003-04-24T21:33:41.960-07:00
I watched the ManUre v Real Madrid match last night - great game, fantastic performance from Ronaldo, and fantastic to see Murdoch Utd knocked out in the quarter finals again. But what really annoyed me was ESPN Asia's commentary on the game. I'm in Asia, watching a match between English and Spanish teams. Therefore I have a right to expect the presentation and commentary on the game to be Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-931588372003-04-23T21:50:00.000-07:002003-04-23T21:50:47.993-07:00
A couple of days ago I mentioned the disastrous effect on the Vietnamese travel industry that the SARS hysteria is having, despite the country now being completely safe for visitors. Well, it gets worse - our company specialises in inbound travel not just into Vietnam but also into Cambodia, Myanmar, Laos and Thailand. None of these countries has had a single SARS case, yet bookings to all of Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-931048112003-04-23T03:54:00.000-07:002003-04-23T03:54:42.243-07:00Nothing to report today, but if you're into football then please read this....Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-930264822003-04-21T21:33:00.000-07:002003-04-21T21:33:02.746-07:00Laughing at foreign words/names that sound rude is obviously very childish and juvenile, however it is also extremely good fun. Which of you can honestly hold his/her hand up and say they have never tittered at the fact that there is a town in France called Condom, a village near Birmingham called Bell End, or a mountain resort in Austria called Wank? Over the weekend I was reduced to hysterics Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-929590672003-04-20T19:37:00.000-07:002003-04-20T19:39:21.000-07:00
"Timmy" I hear you say, "apart from the occasional rant about backpackers, you've been remarkably positive and nice about Saigon since you arrived. This is not like you. We think you're on drugs. What happened to the misanthropic old curmudgeon we once knew & loved?"
It's a fair point folks, and so, as my honeymoon period with Saigon is now over, and Saigon has started farting in bed and leavingTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-928305652003-04-18T03:23:00.000-07:002003-04-18T03:23:03.950-07:00
My recovery continues apace and today I've ventured back into the office for the first time in a week, to a warm reception from my colleagues, many of whom were apparently genuinely convinced that I'd got SARS and was sweating away in some isolation unit somewhere.
Scanning a bloodshot eye over some of my recent entries (oo-er) on this site, I've noticed that whenever I say "Fortunately, so Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-927646972003-04-16T23:50:00.000-07:002003-04-16T23:50:19.716-07:00Apologies for the recent lack of action on Ho Chi Tim, but I've been seriously ill and have been feeling worse than I've ever felt in my life, and that includes my 1992 bout of chickenpox and the numerous hangovers I've experienced in the last 18 years.
I started feeling a bit shivery on Thursday but put this down to a couple of big nights out; however, by Friday I was sweating & shivering, had Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-923371922003-04-09T21:02:00.000-07:002003-04-09T21:02:49.983-07:00
Another evening of freeloading courtesy of NME & Heineken last night, kicking off at the rooftop bar of the Sofitel where I interviewed Paul Oakenfold, who turned out to be a thoroughly decent and intelligent chap, telling me about his time working with Happy Mondays and how he'd love to work with the mighty Chili Peppers one day. Sadly he ruined it by saying he'd also like to work with the Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-922615912003-04-08T19:27:00.000-07:002003-04-08T19:27:27.373-07:00
Pride, as they say, comes before a fall, and when I proudly stated yesterday that I had yet to have a motorbike accident in Saigon I was tempting fate. So it was that yesterday evening I was driving up to the bowling alley for an office bowling evening, when the girl in front of me (a work colleague fortunately) was going through an amber light when she spotted the police and, not having a Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-921958542003-04-07T20:31:00.000-07:002003-04-07T23:01:26.000-07:00Having now been let loose on a moped on the streets of Saigon for some 3 weeks, without killing or even injuring anybody, it's time for a few words on the city's traffic. When you first arrive in Saigon and take a taxi into town from the airport, the traffic looks absolutely chaotic, a sea of motorbikes swarming over the bumpy streets with apparently no regard for the rules of the road. For the Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-921239852003-04-06T20:23:00.000-07:002003-04-06T20:23:14.640-07:00
Wow, the hit counter has passed the 1000 mark! I originally started this site just to keep in touch with my mates back home as it was easier than sending emails to everyone, but it seems to have a wider audience now, which is great. Thanks for reading anyway, I wasn't aware that one man's bowel movements could prove so popular.
On that subject, my intestinal stability is still holding firm Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-919674272003-04-03T22:57:00.000-08:002003-04-03T22:57:37.576-08:00AN ANNOUNCEMENT
Mr T Russell is proud to announce the arrival of his first solid bowel movement since February 21st (Sheraton Hotel, Heathrow Airport). The stool was born at around 1.45pm on Friday 4th April in Trap 5, ground floor toilets, Saigon Trade Centre, and weighed in at a healthy 4lb. Those present all said that the turd "looks just like his father", and both are doing fine. Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-919610362003-04-03T20:45:00.000-08:002003-04-03T20:45:38.030-08:00
As part of my ongoing campaign to visit every restaurant in the Rough Guide's Ho Chi Minh City Restaurants section (and I don't know who recommends these places to the authors of that pile of politically correct shite but I've yet to find a good one. I'll deal with guidebooks in a later posting as I don't want to up my blood pressure before lunch), last night found me in Seoul House, a Korean Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-918853712003-04-02T18:56:00.000-08:002003-04-02T18:56:34.763-08:00
With my diaorrhea in temporary abeyance I strode out for some dinner last night & made an excellent discovery, that the apparently seedy street kitchen I pass en route to the pub most evenings is actually a veritable Shangri-la for the wandering gourmet. We had fried sea bass, steamed monkfish, stir-fried beef, rice and various leaves, and with drinks the whole lot came to about 1.50 for 2. And Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-918263572003-04-01T22:27:00.000-08:002003-04-01T22:27:17.840-08:00Many thanks to all those of you (Andy & Rob) who posted toilet opera (plopera?) suggestions in the guestbook. Conclusive evidence, were it needed, that idle hands are the devil's playthings.
Nothing to report today other than a vicious, or even viscous, dose of diaorrhea, the cause of which has been traced back to last night's meal of pork & egg in nuoc mam (Vietnamese fish sauce). Just reading Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-917559112003-03-31T20:47:00.000-08:002003-03-31T20:47:14.560-08:00
Regular visitors to this page will be familiar with my office toilet, which features a variety of musical soundtracks to one's daily micturations. Today there was an exciting new development, a move away from the usual Spanish guitar, popular classics or scary Mahler symphonies into the world of opera. This got my juvenile brain thinking about operas which might be suitable for playing in the Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-916981372003-03-31T01:14:00.000-08:002003-03-31T01:14:31.873-08:00Being a bit of a linguist I'm trying to learn Vietnamese while I'm here, the better to avoid getting ripped off by unscrupulous cyclo drivers and the like, and so far my progress has been pretty good even though I say so myself. Aha, I hear you say, surely Tim is going to use this discussion of the Vietnamese language as a spurious introduction to some juvenile, crude double-entendres, but no, ifTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-914661652003-03-26T23:23:00.000-08:002003-03-26T23:23:52.403-08:00I recently, briefly touched on karaoke, which is to Vietnamese nightlife what wandering aimlessly around in circles is to the Italians and beating up foreigners is to the English, i.e. a national obsession, and, in the absence of any more noteworthy topics to entertain you with, I shall touch on it at greater length.
Unlike the British form of karaoke, where one is obliged to humiliate oneself Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-913902122003-03-25T20:15:00.000-08:002003-03-25T23:53:56.000-08:00I returned home from an evening's carousing last night to find that the entire ant population of west-central Saigon had taken up residence at Timmy Towers. I've had more pleasant welcomes home. Even when I've lived with women. Actually that last bit's not true, I can think of several occasions in the past when being welcomed home by several thousand insects would have been preferable to Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-913180302003-03-24T18:25:00.000-08:002003-03-24T18:28:02.000-08:00Things I Have Recently Learnt
1. What I thought was two dogs barking in the alleyway beneath my balcony every morning is in fact one dog and a man impersonating a dog. I suspect that if he kept his gob shut, said dog would probably keep schtum as well and I wouldn't wake up at 5am every bloody morning. Wonder how well "Put a fucking sock in it Percy Edwards" translates into Vietnamese?
2. PercyTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-912596442003-03-23T20:31:00.000-08:002003-03-23T20:34:31.000-08:00I say you’ve never really settled into a place until you’ve been for a haircut. Actually I never say that but I couldn’t think of a better intro to this probably tedious anecdote, so, as Roger De Courcey used to say, bear with me. On Saturday I went for my first Vietnamese haircut, and like most normal activities in Saigon, it was an experience in itself. A work colleague recommended Mr Kim’s Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-911582722003-03-21T18:15:00.000-08:002003-03-21T18:15:14.043-08:00Last night found myself and a colleague in Bar 49, an establishment with the genius concept of taking two of my favourite activities (wenching and pool) and combining them into one convenient one-stop shop as it were. The form is that when you walk in, you are shown to a private room with pool table and seating. Half a dozen girls are then shown in from which you pick your companion for the Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-910989882003-03-20T18:57:00.000-08:002003-03-20T18:59:39.000-08:00There's a war on don't you know, and last night I had the surreal experience of sitting in my local bar watching war footage on BBC World, while Radiohead's No Surprises played in the background and a prostitute wriggled on my lap asking me for money. The blackboard outside the bar which usually displays the likes of "8pm - Man Utd v Fulham" now has "Tonight - USA v Iraq" on it. The war has Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-910302392003-03-19T18:37:00.000-08:002003-03-20T18:59:09.000-08:00More restaurant menu comedy last night – the place I went to has all dishes listed in Vietnamese, Japanese, Chinese, English & French, and I was amused to spot “Minced pork roll (grenouille au citron)” which, for those of you unfamiliar with the French tongue, means “Minced pork roll (frog with lemon)”. And there was me thinking “Minced pork roll” was a roll containing minced pork. You live & Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-909759182003-03-18T22:27:00.000-08:002003-03-19T01:18:37.000-08:00Nowt exciting to report today, other than an amusing headline from the latest edition of The Onion - "Heroic Pitbull Journeys 200 Miles to Attack Owner". Made me laff anyway...Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-908937512003-03-17T18:16:00.000-08:002003-03-18T22:26:15.000-08:00More food news – last night I had possibly the worst meal I’ve had since I got here, but that is beside the point; the main point of interest was the restaurant menu which was a work of genius, featuring as it did a dish called Intestine Portion Close To Anus. Mmmmmm! I must admit I was tempted but long ago I made a vow never to order any restaurant meal which featured the word “anus” in its nameTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-908321802003-03-16T19:02:00.000-08:002003-03-16T19:24:44.000-08:00As promised, more musings for my gourmet readers. Saturday saw the real start of my restaurant odyssey around Saigon, and my delightful dining companion Nhung led me to a very pleasant open-air restaurant, hidden away down a side street somewhere, called Cay Gon. I let her do the ordering and soon found myself presented with some sticky spare ribs, beef rolls with cheese and, best of all, curriedTimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-907446722003-03-14T19:18:00.000-08:002003-03-14T20:49:52.000-08:00Check this out - the guy has actually managed to write an entertaining report about cricket, although I suspect he's now out of a job...genius!
And also check out the second Amazon ad on the left-hand sidebar, for Bad Astronaut's Houston We Have A Drinking Problem. I'm very evangelical about this album it was sent to me by Noise Online for me to review and it's fucking brilliant, and no-one's Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-907020492003-03-14T02:34:00.000-08:002003-03-14T18:37:17.000-08:00Many of you (oh alright then, Owen again) have asked me about the food over here. Well, Vietnamese food ranges from the predictable (rice, with a side order of rice, in a rice dressing), through the exotic (chicken & ginger in fish sauce, elephant’s-ear fish), to the outright bizarre (minced snake, deep-fried scorpion or grilled porcupine anyone?). My diet today has been pretty typically Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4103013.post-906411692003-03-13T02:14:00.000-08:002003-03-13T02:16:12.000-08:00I was in Bar No.5 last night, talking to a delightful young lady, when I discovered the following document hidden behind a bottle of Vietnamese advocaat - it makes very interesting reading...
GUIDELINES FOR VIETNAMESE BARMAIDS REGARDING THE SEDUCTION OF WESTERN MALES
Sponsored by Saigon Hostelries Association – Girls (S.H.A.G.)
Upon identifying target, assume Personality Type 437, “Innocent, Timhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02957423177020852282noreply@blogger.com0