Fucking Lazy American Bastards

As anyone who knows me will be aware, I, despite my slender build, enjoy eating more than pretty much anything else in the world, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy living in HCMC so much. There can't be many cities with more restaurants per square mile than this place, and new ones open up every week.

A colleague of mine mentioned a new pizza place, California Pizzaworks, to me last week, so the other night I headed up there after a long day at work to give it a try. First impressions were not good - not only was the place apparently modelled on McDonalds - all bright lights, chrome and plastic - but there was also a children's play area inside, clearly aimed at spoiled expat brats with low attention spans rather than the impeccably behaved local nippers, who are able to last for an hour without having to look at something brightly coloured.

Anyway, as I was inside I thought I may as well look at the menu, but when I did, my mind was made up. For it appeared that, ye Gods, I was expected to MAKE MY OWN FUCKING PIZZA. "Choose your base, then apply tomato sauce and your choice of toppings". Hang on one fucking minute I thought, if I wanted to make my own pizza I'd do it at home, rather than paying $6 to sit in some brightly-lit hellhole and do it. The whole point of going to a restaurant & paying restaurant prices is to have someone make dishes that you couldn't make at home, at least not without a fair amount of ballache.

So I upped and left, only to be chased out of the place by the American manageress.
"Why did you leave? Are you unhappy about something?"
"Your menu's too confusing, I can't be arsed to be honest."
"It's really quite simple, you take your base, spread..."
"Look, I go out to eat to have someone else do all that."
"We think it's a good idea."
"Well, I don't. I think it's a stupid idea. 'Bye."

Honestly, the nerve of these people. Even worse, they claim the idea is original, but any Seinfeld fan will tell you otherwise. The mighty Kramer once opened a pizzeria where you made your own pizza, and it flopped. And if someone of Kramer's charm and charisma couldn't pull it off, these people have no chance. Unsurprisingly, the place was empty when I arrived & empty when I left, a sign of things to come one hopes.

But as they're into ripping off other people's ideas and claiming them as their own, here are a few suggestions:

California Massage - you pay $10, lie down on a table, rub yourself with oil, and then have a wank

California Bar - you order a beer, & the barman hands you a bucket full of water & some hops

California Hospital - you pay $50 for a consultation, & the receptionist gives you a medical textbook & a scalpel


Fucking Hypocritical English Bastards

Whilst I once had a fair degree of respect for George Galloway, since his election win he's let down pretty much everyone who supported him or voted for him by his continuing absence from parliament, where I at least expected him to be a constant thorn in Bliar's side.

But I was interested to read yesterday that a group of MPs have put together a petition calling for him to leave "Big Brother" and return to the Commons, citing his "egotism". The hypocrisy of this is quite astounding - after all, if egotism were a barrier to a career in politics, Parliament would be completely empty, as would every council chamber in the country.

Obviously, were Galloway a member of one of the three main parties, rather than Respect, this wouldn't have happened. But as soon as you step outside the political/media mainstream, out come the knives. Look at the Guardian's recent hatchet job on Chomsky (for which they later apologised), the media's blanket refusal to acknowledge Harold Pinter's recent Nobel Prize for Literature, the increasing marginalisation of the heroic John Pilger, or Jeremy Paxman's shameful election night interview with Galloway himself, where he implied that Galloway was racist purely because he'd unseated a black MP.

Yes, Galloway is undoubtedly an egotistical arse. But to see members of the Labour and Tory parties, two of the most morally bankrupt organisations on Earth, putting together a petition to attack him for this, makes me want to puke. Particularly the Labour MPs, loyal to a war criminal who has lied to his country time and time again and who is once again rattling his sabre in the direction of the Middle East. Are these people's heads so far up their own arses that they cannot see how ridiculous they look to anyone with half a brain? Are we really supposed to follow the example of a group of people who think skiving off work (which is, basically, what they're accusing Galloway of) is a bigger crime than mass murder? Well, I say "we", luckily I'm no longer part of that "we" and never shall be again, but you know what I mean...